Ha..ha..happy meeeh!

I have made peace with my current situation, Howling. I know that things happen for a reason and maybe, this is a blessing in disguise, I just don’t look at it this way. Maybe, God is telling me something and as you've said kuya, I'm not listening to Him. I am straining to listen to what I wanted to hear, stubborn girl that I am. Not anymore, though :)

Now, I try to inject something positive in everything that I do. I try my best to reject all the negative thoughts that pop inside my head. Course, there are times that I'd succumb to temptation again but I know He'll keep me in line :) He commissions a lot of reinforcements naman in the form of friends, offline and online (di ba sis and ate ghee ^_^).

My heart is full of happiness right now because I felt His love this morning. Nagpapansin, mam, effective naman! Hahaha!

I SO LOVE LIFE!!!

Nararamdaman mo ba, ate melai how happy I am?? Hahaha! It's good to be free!!!

Alam niyo yung feeling na you want to jump and skip and just rollover and laugh out loud? Nakalanghap kaya ako ng laughing gas, bru?? Nyehehe

Friends, thank you for bearing with my kaartehan and kadramahan. I am a-okay now but who knows, maybe tonight, tomorrow, I'll be the drama queen again! Hahaha! But, I have some people around me who screams at me to wake up and stop the pag-iinarte and you just don’t know how much I appreciate it! So don’t you worry, peeps, I'll try to stifle the drama that is bursting within me. Hehehe… Pero I'm thinking, will I be the same Sasha you've known for several months now without the bubbly AND drama me?? Hmm...

My Babies...

People ask me if the kid I'm carrying in my YM pic is my kid. How I wish! But, she's not. Next year pa ang kid ko. No donors yet, hahaha! Seriously, when I reach 35 pa. I need my 5 years of freedom before a baby.

She's our neighbor's kid but she's always at home because she thinks my dad is her dad. Hehehe! She's closer to dad than her biological father. She has a stash of clothes at home. Shoes, slippers, powder, accessories, baby foods... you name it! Kulang na lang yung crib niya. She's the baby of the house so all our attention is on her. Kaya, every payday, may pasalubong kami sa kanya!

We love this kid so much! She's given us so much fun and laughter, most specially when we're still coping with the loss of my mom. She's God's gift to us. Her name is Hazel, but we call her Etey. Why? Because her brother cannot pronounce her name properly and ends up calling her Etey all the time. Thus, the nickname...

At around 5AM everyday, she knocks on the door and calls out "Dah!", which means "Dad!". Dad will take her from her mom and will take Etey to our room to wake us up. Maaga pa magising sa amin! Hahaha... During the day, she stays with dad and will just be taken by her mom to breastfeed her then back to dad again. She goes home at 8PM kasi sleep na siya by that time. Sobrang babad sa bahay ano? She even calls me up sa office just to say "Te!". Nakakatuwa sobra!

And take note, her pic was inserted in the family photo frame! Mahal sobra ng dad ko! Hahaha!

And my other bebe... the man in my life... kahit pasaway na kasi he's already in the "transitional stage", according to kuya... our bunso...

James has always been the baby in our family. Everyone loves him and babies him. Kaya naman he grew up spoiled. Kasalanan ni ate at ng mommy! Hahaha! And what can we do, we already lost a boy in the family kaya ganun na lang ang love namin kay James. Defensive ako! Hehe

Almost a year after he was born, dad went abroad to work. My mom was having post-partum sickness or whatever you call it that's why she didn't want to take care of James back then. I took care of him and acted as the mom. Kaya when he learned how to talk, he called me "mama", yan una niya sinabi... sa harap ng mga kaibigan ko! Kaya tinutukso nila ako dati na anak ko si James. Uhm, I was 14 that time and I don't think I can get pregnant and deliver a baby without everyone knowing about it :)

I call him "bebe". Just a year ago, he couldn't sleep without me but now... he only does when waking up in the morning. Nilalamig tapos tatabi sabay balik tulog!

I remember din, he was already grade five that time and he's nahihiya na when being called bebe. Nakasanayan ko kasi. Already left his classroom after getting his report card when he called me back. Nagulat ako kasi nag-kiss sa akin. Kita mo sa mukha niya na nagulat din siya. Akala nasa bahay! Hehehe! Dedma na lang siya, babye sa akin tapos nakita ko balik sa upuan. Ang tuwa ko nun sobra! Para akong nanay! Hehehe

Time flies so fast! Parang kailan lang, karga ko pa siya lagi. Ngayon, hanggang dibdib na lang ako ng bebe ko! Gulat nga rin ng mga friends ko who saw him until he reached 3 or 4 years of age... they can't believe that the baby we took turns carrying during practices is already a 15-year-old kid! Baka a year or two from now, magkakalakas-loob ng magpakilala ng girlfriend... lagot sa akin yung girl na yun!

He's always brooding and quiet. I make it a point to always ask him about school and talk to him about the "uso" among his age. Kaya nga, eventhough I don't like some local rock bands that much, pinapakinggan ko na rin and inaalam. At least, he can talk to me about it. Pati usong brands, I need to know otherwise, sisimangutan ka if you can't relate to what he's saying.

But, he's always been malambing. He knows when to ask for things and he always gives me his excess money. Kaya lang may kapalit this time... merong sinasabing brand ng shirt at sapatos. I forgot kung ano. Hehe... Pareho kami ng ugali actually. I can see myself in him. Pareho pa kami ng sense of humor nyan kaya siguro if he's a girl lang, bungisngis din.

There was a time when Hale wasn't popular yet and we're both talking about Broken Sonnet, the band's first hit song. Sobrang gusto namin pareho! We would listen to it everyday, nagagalit na ang dad sa amin! Hahaha! Tapos when Hale became popular, ayaw na namin.

Magkapatid nga kami :)

~ Removed my pics due to uhm risk of overexposure *wink*

Hindi lutong-Bacolod

Pasintabi sa mga kumakain. Kung kayo'y madirihin, wag munang basahin ang entry na ito.

Alam kong kaka-post ko lamang kahapon pero kailangan ko itong makwento... Read on...

May assignment ang sister kong si Grace. Kailangan nilang i-review ang ilang episodes ng i-Witness. Isang news and public affairs program sa Channel 7.

So, nanghiram siya ng vcd at isa sa mga episodes na napanood namin kahapon ay ang Basurero episode.

Halu-halong emosyon ang naramdaman ko habang pinapanood ang episode na ito. Si Jay Taruc ang nag-report at sumama siya sa mga basurero upang maging makatunayan ang kanyang paglalahad.

Unang segment ay ang Batchoy. May nakilala siyang mga homeless na upang makakain, gawain na maghintay sa labas ng mga fastfood at restaurant para sa mga basura nito. Paglabas ng basura'y dali-dali nilang bubuksan ito at hahanapin ang mga "pwede" pang ihalo sa ulam nila.

Nung sumama si Jay sa kanila, nakakuha sila ng ilang dahon ng petchay, ilang tira-tirang tinik na may mga laman pa ng isda, at ilang nakagatan ng parte ng manok. Halos kalahati ng isang black garbage bag ang nakuha nila! 3 kilos nga raw. Tinanong pa sila ni Jay na paano kung panis na yung nakuha nila... hindi naman daw, sagot nung isang nanay. Saka maisusuka rin naman daw nila kung sakali. Tsk tsk... Hindi na pumasok sa isip nila ang food poisoning sa sobrang gutom!

Jay Taruc’s “Basurero” unravelled the depressing situation of many Filipinos who feed on leftover food, now called “batchoy.” Viewers expressed disgust when Taruc himself ate scraps from garbage.
Excerpt from Sine Totoo: GMA News and Public Affairs festival

Bumalik sila sa kanilang make-shift shelter at nagluto na. Hiwa ng bawang at sibuyas at binuksan na ang bag. Dahil medyo madilim yung lugar nila at ilaw lang ng apoy ang nagbibigay-liwanag, mukhang sandamak na tuna yung niluluto. Pero sa totoo, dinurog na tira-tira galing basura, ang kanilang batchoy.

Mga taga-Marinduque (o Mindoro yata) sila at mas gugustuhin daw nilang kumain ng batchoy kaysa nilagang saging! Ano ba yun?! Isipin niyo na lang na bata at matanda ang kumakain. At basura ang kinakain nila, kahit pa sabihing nailuto ito.

Nakikain pa si Jay nang maluto. Isang subo lang ang pinakita at kita mo sa mukha niya ang sama ng lasa ng kinain. At, aminin man niya o hindi, pagkasuka sa nakain.

Sana nga lang, may ginagawa ang mga katulad ni Jay at sampu ng mga kasama niya sa i-Witness matapos na makita ang plight ng mga taong ito. Hindi yung pinagkakitaan lang ang documentary na nabuo at nakalimutan na sila.

*Hik*

Before anything else, I just want to say your comments on my previous post truly touched my heart. THANK YOU!

I'm also asking everyone a favor that please pray for Mark to pass the Nursing board exams on Dec 2 and 3 (I do hope I get the correct dates). Thanks!

***
I'm IT!!! I've been tagged by Ate Ghee... here goes...

How often do you blog?

I blog daily. When I haven't imposed the no-internet policy yet, I blog every minute of everyday. Hehehe... Adik kasi! ^_^

I also bloghop daily. Once I included your blog on my list, expect me to be present everyday (or at least thrice a week). Minsan nga kahiya na kasi parang puro ako ang nasa tagboard! hehehe... Except now that I'm truly busy :(

Online Alias:

SASHA

Those I talk to thru email and YM would know my real name by now. And those I've connected with thru Friendster. Di ba, anya? Ask ko pa sya if he knows my real name yun pala lumalabas sa messenger! Hahaha

Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

Yes, I did. For a mother and daughter whom the jeepney driver accused of not paying their fare. I saw that they paid and I told the driver about it.

And for a staff that is not performing. I asked her boss to give her another chance. I don't want her to lose her job because I heard from the grapevine that her mom's sick.

What do you do most often when you are bored?

Email. Text. Blog. Read novels. Listen to my loooong playlist. Write, write, write.

And daydream *wink*

When bathing, which do you wash first?

My neck and shoulders.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

More like 42 hours... Bangenge!

What color looks best on you?

Black and green...

What's your favorite alcoholic drink?

Vodka and tequila... Mudslide... Yum!

Do you believe in heaven and hell as a real place that each of us will go to after death?

Yes. But I believe that those are just words that we all use. Have you watched that movie by Robin Williams where his wife died? (It's "What Dreams May Come". Thanks, anya!) I would like to think that we all go that way. And we all go to a place where we want to be stuck in forever. And it all depends on you whether it turns out to be your "heaven" or "hell".

Do you find that you have more online friends than offline friends?

Almost the same lang.

Nakakatuwa lang how you'd meet a lot of really good people through blogging. Nakakatawa nga kasi mas updated pa ang online friends ko about what's happening to me kaysa offline friends ko.

What was your favorite subject in school?

English. I love essay writing, book reviews... And I adored my English teacher so much I still have the notebook I asked her to sign after the school year.

Are you a perfectionist?

NOPE. I believe that nobody's perfect so why should I expect others to be that way? :)

Do you spend more than you can afford?

When I had credit cards, yes. Now, only when James, my bebe and our bunso, would make lambing... But I try to save and stay within my budget.

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before?

YES. And better still if you'd be able to tell the person. Right, Ate Ghee? Wag dalhin sa other life. Hehehe

Aray.

Do you consider yourself creative?

I believe that every person has his or her own creativity. Sa akin sa pag-aayos ng gamit. But if it's arts we're talking about, I'm NOT! I'll find someone creative na lang hehehe *wink*

Do you give yourself the credit you deserve?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

Do you donate time or money to charities?

At least once a year. And more of my time than money :)

Have you recently done something yourself that you've criticized others for doing?

Prioritizing personal over business emails! *LOL*

I won't do it anymore... Criticize others that is! Hahahah

What's on your mind right now?

I'm in too deep and I don’t know how to get out... That I somehow screwed up along the way that's why these things are happening... That if I were Pacquiao, I'd buy an island somewhere in the Philippines :)

Say one nice thing about the person who tagged you and the person that you are going to tag (1 na lang hehe):

One lang?? Pwedeng full description? ^_^ ATE GHEE is a GREAT person! Kahit I haven't met her in person pa, I know thru our conversations na she's sweet, a good listener (esp. when you have a kwento), cool (hot) mom(ma) *lol*, caring friend, and yes, gentle and compassionate!

I thank God that I found some really cool friends online and you're one of those, te! Aylabshu! Muaah!

And now... I'm tagging...

TINA... loyal, consistent, sweet, caring, baby-face (hehe), smart (read her posts)... ano pa nga ba, sis? No, we haven't talked yet. We don't exchange emails (let's do this nga *wink*). But I truly feel that she'd be one good friend if I get to know her really well. Invite mo naman ako sa Davao, sis! Hahaha... I do hope I'd get the chance to meet the offline angelblush! :) I truly appreciate all the caring comments and tags you leave here. And for always checking on me eventhough I don't bloghop to yours daily. *HUGS* for you, sis!

For now...

AND NOW...

Friends, I am feeling much better now. Let me apologize first for not bloghopping that much because aside from the fact that I imposed a no-internet policy on myself, I am also extremely busy because of the coming year-end. Accountants would know this :)

Anyway, I AM NOT GONNA STOP BLOGGING! Ayan, that's clear enough, ayt? hehehe

This entry is related to the one below so I am just going to move the previous one way down there and here's the "new" one...

Yes, kuya, I wasn't really listening to what God wanted me to hear. I was waiting for the answer that I wanted. I am, for once, being selfish and a brat!

I am not enjoying it though. I cannot be sad, angry or madrama for a long period of time. That is so not me.

This is the real me...

Bungisngis.
Makulit.
Sarcastic in a good way.
Trying to be sweet but failing at times :(
Loyal kachika to the max.
Hindi pikon at madaling maeskandalo.
Minsan may toyo.
Pero smile lang ang katapat.
God-fearing.
Adik... Sa YM, books at blogging.
At bungisngis forever (Yung mga nakakausap ko sa phone can attest to this... Nyahahah)

THAT is the real me.

But, of course, I have my "down" moments. There are days when the burden is so heavy that I tend to be melodramatic.

I know that I am not the only person who's experiencing all these. I am also very much aware that my "load" is lighter compared to others. I watch the news, too.

BUT, I am entitled to a tantrum once in a while, says my friend. Hahahah

Thank you so much for your comments. I cannot answer them yet because as you know, I am only "peeking" from time to time. I am one of the top internet users here in the office so I have to lie low for now. Sira naman ang pc sa house kaya eto :(

Again, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I realized that eventhough most of you don’t know me personally yet, you still care enough to leave a heartfelt message for me.

Will probably be back blogging by weekend *keeping my fingers crossed*

***

*Originally posted last 11.19.2006 at 7:40PM
Been feeling stupid lately. As in super duper down right STUPID! It took a stranger to make me realize that I've been living a lie. I'm doing things half-heartedly. I've been watching my life pass by and not actually live it. AGAIN.

When I was told of the fact, I actually cried. And the person's right. It hurts to hear the truth but someone has to say it.

I'm denying the fact that I'm self-destructing. I haven't been giving my best in what I do. I've been hiding behind a smile all the time. And it's not good. Even that I'm denying all this time.

Lately, my focus has been wavering again. I've been prioritizing things that shouldn't be given precedence over my primary goal. I've been wrecking havoc in my work and attributing it to my "hatred" with the profession that's given me so much. Truth is, I just want to be selfish from time to time. I want to be un-strapped with all the obligations that came with everything. I don't want to be afraid of waking up and not being able to provide. I just want to be away from everything and stop thinking.

Maybe you're right, I have this need to be needed. Maybe, thinking of myself for once is a sign of weakness and selfishness for me. It is. And I hate it.

God has given me so much blessings in life. Despite the two deaths in the family, life has been pretty good. Despite the financial struggles from time to time, life has been fun.

But the hatred is just beneath the surface. I'm afraid it'll explode within me. I'm beginning to doubt and question. The hatred is just here, waiting to be triggered.

Ode to Adrienne

Before anything else, the title has nothing to do with this post. I just thought of it and decided to put it as the title. And by the way, Adrienne is a song by The Calling.


What would you do if you saw someone you've been avoiding for years now, and that person is with someone who's very close to you?? Would you greet them and pretend everything's okay... or would you turn your back and pretend you haven't seen them?

Aargh!

I freakin' turned my back and pretended I haven't seen them! BUT, they both knew I saw them!!! They called my name and of course, I had no choice but to pretend I was surprised, smile and say hi. Act happy that I saw them... plastik! Smile. Hi. How are you both? Kayo na?? Wow, didn't know! Smile again. Smile some more. My face is aching from too much stretching.

Kainis!

So we had coffee. Had no choice but to pretend everything's okay with us. I can't look. It's too much to ask. Smile I can do. Smile everywhere but at that person.

Aargh!

Went home with a big headache. And an aching jaw.

***

The Look of Love

It was that soft, vulnerable look you gave me when we were seated across each other over a candle-lit dinner.
It was the wink after a soft-blown kiss.
The early morning sleepy-eyed gaze when I wake you up.
The stare with a half smile meant for the two of us.
Your glare to that guy who checked me out.
That poker-face look you give me whenever I ask you to cook.
That smirk because you won a bet.
The dreamy smile just because.

That's love.

***

First Impressions... (part 1)

Si Ma'am Tekla ang una kong nakilala nang lubos dito as a not-so-new blogger in June 2006. June lang kasi ako nag-start dito sa blogger. Been blogging na since 2002 pa pero iba host ko. I searched my archives and nandito ang unang comment niya. Ang post ko ay Halu-halo.

Akala ko nung una siya yung tipo na barado ka kapag mali hirit mo. Yan ang first impression ko sa'yo, mam! Not because of the comment ha. Alang kinalaman. Pero dahil sa parang astigin ang dating mo sa akin. Hehehe.. ayun *peace*

Pero mali pala. Siya pala ay isang mabait na titser! Syempre pa, dahil sa titser kung bakit dumami agad ang kakilala kong bloggers. Dalaw sa mga links niya. At ayos siya! Ilang beses ko ng nasubukan ang kanyang pagiging helpful. Kalog yan at ang kuleeet kausap at ka-text... Hehehe

Next ko nakilala si Ate Ghee. Loyal mag-comment kasi. Andito ang first comment niya. Ang post ko naman nun is about a friend who became an impakta overnight.

Ang first impression ko sa kanya ay isa siyang cool and kikay mom! I read her previous posts din and tama ako. Saka I noticed back then na andaming nagmamahal sa kanya! I took advantage at nagpapansin ako! Hahaha! I wanted to be friends with her and I'm glad we are now. Di ba, te Ghee? She's a very caring person! Tama yung blog title niya... gentle and compassionate. Siyang-siya yan!

May part 2 and 3 pa sa mga next posts ko. Wait niyo kung ano first impressions ko sa inyo, okay? I wonder kung ano'ng first impression niyo rin sa akin ^_^

Happy blogging, everyone!

Nahawa kay Ate Ghee :)

Trip lang... natuwa kasi sa test ni Ate Ghee (tarot card yung sa kanya). When I took that test, pareho kami ng lumabas kaya tumingin ako ng iba. Nakakita ako nitong mga tests na 'to at naisipan kong sagutan... Ayan na siya...

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

This is so true!

AND...

You Are 64% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

Ayan, kaya naman ayaw ko ng pag-usapan pa ang tungkol sa no internet policy ko kasi alang wenta! Suffice it to say na may mga achuchuchu dito at may mga aswang na pagala-gala.

Ate Ann, magugulat ka na imbes biglang nawawala, bigla naman akong susulpot ngaun! Hahahah... At mare, ayaw ko silang turuan mag-blog! Powerpoint nga nde maintindihan... sasakit ulo ko dun sa mga yun! Nyahaha

Let's all be happy na lang. Basta pwede naman akong i-email pa rin during office hours, di ba, TiKey? Hehehe...

Happy Friday, everyone!

Midweek Inis!

Friends, I wouldn't be able to bloghop that much anymore during daytime. I am imposing a no-internet policy on myself because someone's checking on me from time to time. I will elaborate further tonight.

Anyway, will try to compensate after office hours. And during weekends ^_^

That's all for now. Will miss you during office hours! Waahhh

Christmas Blues

Nag-uusap kami ni kuya kanina about adoption and Christmas Day. Anlayo nung dalawang topic pero ayan... Hahaha... nagkaintindihan naman kami. Siyempre pa, nakinig naman ako sa advise ng kuya.

May napanood akong isang American sitcom. Ang sabi dun, if you want to know that you'll be an effective parent, get a pet. I forgot kung anong show yun pero yan ang sabi. Hintayin ko na lang muna ang anak ni Raven kung ganun sis... heheh...

Last year, nag-volunteer kami ng mga dati kong officemates sa Philippine Cancer Society. Meron silang ginagawang program taun-taon for cancer patients ng PGH. Balak ko uli this year. Magyayaya uli ako ng friends ko. Gusto ko na siyang gawing annual contribution ko sa mga terminally ill kids. Masaya, andaming nag-contribute ng foods and gifts for kids. Yearly din daw nagko-contribute ang PAL dun. Sila nga ang gumawa ng presentation for the party last year. Nakakatuwa kasi todo participate talaga pati executives nila. Maliit lang contribution namin compared to them. Pero it's the thought that counts naman, di ba?

***

Christmas shopping na kami this coming weekend! Bigayan na ng 13th month pay! Yey!

Truth is, meron na akong nabiling Christmas gifts for some friends. Nabanggit ko nga kay Ate Ghee kagabi. May pagka-praning na ako ngayon kasi last year, naubos yung mga gusto kong ibigay sa aking girl friends! Ayaw ko na mangyari yun this year kaya buy na ako agad last payday. Huli kong binibilan ang aking mga kapatid kasi may mga last minute parinig pa sila. Para sure na magustuhan nila, wait ko muna ang parinig ^_^

Naiinggit ako sa mga magaling magbalot ng gifts! Ala akong talent sa ganyan. Dapat sa akin may kahon o kuwadrado ang regalo para maayos kong mabalot. Kung hindi, bigay sa sister ko at sya na ang bahala. Hahaha

***

Merong mga pagkakataon na feel ko lang i-post ang isang naisulat ko o kantang gusto ko na nakuha ko ang lyrics... pero ako lang ang nakakaintindi sa ni-post ko. May meaning sa akin, sa mga nakakabasa, parang... ano yan??

Ganyan po ang post kong kanta sa baba. Siguro si mareng Wendy lang ang nakakaalam niyan. Isa kasi yan sa mga kanta sa Grey's Anatomy. Nagustuhan ko at may meaning sa akin yang ni-post kong lyrics.

Nothing left to lose...

something’s in the air tonight
the sky's alive with a burning light
you can mark my words something's about to break

and i found myself in a bitter fight
while i've held your hand through the darkest night
don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon...

come on and we'll sing, like we were free
push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us
come on and we'll try, one last time
i'm off of the floor one more time to find you

and here we go there's nothing left to choose...
and here we go there's nothing left to lose.

Alone and thinking...

I'm back to loving lunch spent alone. Bad. I know. Yesterday, some of my officemates clocked out for lunch at 11AM. Bosses are not around so everyone's in a party mood! They're asking me to tag along. Glorietta or SM daw sila. I shook my head. Nevermind, I said. I plan to take my lunch in a leisurely pace, not shove morsels after morsels into my mouth so quickly just so we can stroll pa.

So what I did, I ate at Salad Days. The usual, garden salad (puro dahon araw-araw, para na akong uod sa totoo) with vinaigrette. I ate lunch for an hour. Dahon lang yan. I was happy I spent lunch break alone. No need for me to force myself to converse with someone just because.

Afterwards, I talked to Aaron about his management presentation charts. I realized that I've been teaching powerpoint for the past two weeks now. Aaron's also eating lunch alone. He's at his desk, avoiding someone as well. Hahaha. Kindred spirits. I'm closer to him now than with Lynn's.

***

I'm kinda drifting...

Been restless and fidgety for days now. Dunno why. Can't think properly... brain's always down.

Kaya yung meme, papa Qroon, sa next post na talaga ok? :) And I will be uploading a post about my first impressions on my fave bloggers. Still checking out first comments kasi.

Gym time... need to re-energize!

Linis, palit, linis!

General cleaning for two days here in the office. It started yesterday and would presumably end by 6PM today. Ha ha ha... Yeah right! 18 years of accumulated dead trees and dirt???

Pengeng posporo at gaas! Tapos yan sigurado! Nyahahaha

***

I transferred to Blogger Beta last night. I talked to Ate Ghee about it and here's my blog now. Comments got distorted for some reason. Those who posted using their old blogger profiles were tagged as anonymous. Sorry about that. Kilala ko naman kaya okay lang.

Sana there'll be no other problems na :)

***

Natawa ako sa mga reactions ninyo kay fafah fink. He's a manager here sa offshore investments department ng isang company dito. He studied abroad. Has an MBA and speaks really well. Ganda ng boses at tama kayo, Ate Ghee and Bee, mabango nga siya! Hahaha! Kahapon, pareho kaming naka-green. Nagkasabay sa elevator, hi and smile siya sa akin, pero tongue-tied ang drama ko! Hahaha! Ang arte!

Wala lang naman yan. Kapag ako'y nagka-crush, normally, crush lang talaga. I remember may naging crush ako nung HS. Antagal ko siyang crush, grade six until 4th year high. Nung sinabi sa akin ng barkada niya na gusto ako ligawan, asus, sabi ko wag na at crush ko lang talaga siya.

I'm sure may mga nakaranas ng ganyan dito... Girl friends??? Say something! ^_^

Pero si ano... ewan ko... hahaha

Joke!

***

Eksena sa likod ng FX two nights ago:

May mag-bf na panay ang lampungan. Pinaayos ni gf si bf para makasandal siya kay bf. Pinaayos siya ni bf para mahalikan niya si gf. Kiss sila ni gf. Dedma sa amin! Maya-maya pa, nanggigigil na si bf! Medyo nakasabunot na kay gf. Hahaha!

Boyet: Di ka naiinggit??
Sasha: Okay ka lang ba?! Bakit ako maiinggit? Gusto ko bang dito sa FX lafangin ng fafa ko?
Boyet: Ako gusto ko... lafangin ng fafa ko! Hahaha
Sasha: Kayo na lang!
Boyet: Letch ka! Pa-demure! If I know... kung si ano... go ka!
Sasha: Excuuuuse meeee!
Boyet: Aminin mo! Ipokrita kang vakla ka!
Sasha: Tumahimik ka nga dyan! Ang ingay mo kaya.
Boyet: E ang arte mo e! Para halikan lang...

Tumigil yung dalawa sa harap namin. Naglingunan kasi yung mga nasa-FX, pati si manong driver. Umayos na sila ng upo. Nagkatinginan kami ni Boyet...

Sabay tawa! Drama namin yan! Badtrip yung dalawa e! Nakakainggit nga! Bwahahhahaah... Joke!

Hmm... I'm sure rin meron na kayong na-encounter na ganyan. Or kayo'y guilty ng ganyang eksena. Hahaha! Aminin!

*** I will upload another entry about some blogger friends kaya lang tonight na. I'm still thinking of the right words... ***

Monday na Monday...

Minsan, bigla kong gustong maiyak sa inis! Mabait naman ako. Pala-smile. Bungisngis nga sobra, di ba, kuya? Pero minsan, abuso yung iba. Nakakaburaot! Akala laging kang accomodating. Akala lagi kang nasa mood mag-give way. Paulit-ulit. Minsan, hindi dapat sa akin sinasabi pero sige pa rin. Minsan naman sobrang sarcastic at mean na akala mo ako ang salarin! Sa totoo, nangyari nung ako'y wala pang kamuwang-muwang… kumusta naman yun di ba? Dahil sa ako'y nagbago na at ayaw na makipag-away o ng may kagalit, sige na lang at timpi lang ako madalas. Pero may mga times na hindi ko mapigilan ang maldita kong kakambal na lumabas. Pero minsan na lang yun. Most likely, maiyak na lang ako sa inis. At mag-whine.

Siyempre, ang karaniwang biktima naman ng pagngawa ko ay ang aking mga friends. Pero madalas dahil si kuya ay online, siya ang recipient ng rants ko. At kayo palang madalas dumalaw dito sa blog ko. Nakakainis lang kasi talaga!

Ang bangenge ko namang sarili, makakita lang, makarinig o makabasa ng makapagpapakilig o makakapagpatawa sa kanya, ayos na. Duda na nga ako minsan kung mahigpit pa ang turnilyo ko sa utak. Ang mood ko ambilis mag-iba! Pakitingin nga at baka hindi ko alam nalaglag na pala dyan sa paanan niyo.

Mabuti na lang at may nagpapasaya sa akin.

At kanina nakita ko pala ang crush ko ditong akala ko executive hindi naman pala. Hahaha! Ka-level ko pala dito sa amin pero dahil nakaporma lagi, feeling ko part ng ex-com. Mamaya ipo-post ko pic niya. Nyahaha… Hindi nya alam, kinukuhanan ko pala siya kanina sa 5S seminar namin *wink* *wink* Ang guapo niya kapag naka-pink!

Ayan nawala na inis ko. Ambilis ano?!?

***

Si fafah guapo ay eto na... eto na... eto na...

Eto na ang kanyang mga pics!

*** Photos removed due to someone lurking... Grrr

Look at his hand... hay... ganda! His back... hehehe...

May close-up pa ako. May iba pang angles. Pero ayaw ko na ipost at baka may makakilala, lagot! Hahaha... At may video pa ako niya kaso syempre kalabisan na kung upload ko pa di ba? Nyahaha... Kung alam lang nya na hindi ako nakikinig sa kanya kundi malayo ang nararating ng isip ko...

Kaso, may nalaman ako kahapon... taken na siya!!! Di bale, cute pa rin naman. Hay... All the good men are either gay or taken na talaga :(

p.s. Sorry haven't been bloghopping for the past two days now. Chalk it up to PMS, guys! Haven't been in the mood lately. Will bloghop later or tomorrow. Thanks for always visiting! Luv yah all!

Kulet!

Four to five times a week, I go to the gym. I started last August of this year lang, stopped for a month, tuloy ng October, tigil ng two weeks because of this darn knee tapos tuloy na uli... so far, I've lost 20 pounds na! Yey! Kaso kailangan pa ng ilang pounds. Para makapag-bikini sa summer! Bwahaha! At kelangan pang tanggalin ang mga hindi kanais-nais sa likod at tagiliran. Nyahaha

Kanina, niyaya ako ng sister ko na sa SM North Edsa's The Block kami mag-gym. Normally kasi sa RSC Makati ako after office hours and sa ABS-CBN/SM Fairview naman kapag weekends. Newest addition sa Fitness First gyms kasi ang nasa The Block.

So, ayun, go kami dun. Ang ganda pala ng bagong tayong annex ng SM! Eto at napag-tripan kong kuhanan ng litrato kanina. Para siyang Mall of Asia.


Sowee, hindi ako magaling kumuha ng pic kasi :( View yan from the member's lounge while drinking coffee.


View from my bike. Ang galing ano? Paikot ang gym, isang buong floor halos kanila. Anlaki sobra!

Gusto ko sana kuhanan ang mga ginagamit kong machines kaso bawal. Baka akalain spy ako ng kalaban. Hahaha! Kaya ayan na lang, palihim pa yan at baka masita.

Napagtripan din namin ng sis ko na mag-pic sa loob ng female locker room. Yung isa na lang post ko. Alang wenta pero ayan ako... ^_^

***

Salamat nga pala sa mga naka-YM ko kagabi hanggang madaling-araw kanina. Hyper ako kahapon sobra! Pansin naman ni Ate Ghee, Ate Ann at Qroon, I'm sure! Weheheh... palitan ko na raw ang ID ko sabi ni Ate Ann... YM adik na raw! Hehehe

Kahit sa office kasi minsan online din ako (invi mode madalas) basta walang utos si boss at walang deadlines. Pero mostly, sa gabi ako online. Natutuwa lang ako kapag merong mga nakakakuwentuhan (as if naman hindi pa dumadaldal sa labas! hahaha). Saka syempre, one way na rin para makilala ang mga blog friends nang husto *wink*

Kung kayo'y nadaldal din kapag Friday and Saturday night... add niyo ako sa YM niyo book_adik yan ID ko.

At syempre ako'y natutuwa at nakakita na naman ng long-lost sis... si Bru! Hehehe... Yung blue-eyed ha sis, don't forget! Nyahaha

Missing them...

November 1, nasa Bulacan kami mag-anak, kasama ang tito ko at tatlong pinsan sa fatherside. Dinalaw namin ang puntod ng brother kong si Willyboy at ng mommy ko. Kakadalaw lang namin nung first death anniversary ni mommy nung September 29 kaya malinis pa ang paligid. Pansin niyo namang old rose ang kulay ng nitso nila ano? Pinapalitan kasi namin last year nung mamatay ang mommy dahil yan ang favorite color nya :)

Kung titignan mo kaming pamilya, parang matagal nang namatay si mommy. Kasi maingay kami at panay ang tawanan! Wala na yung lungkot. Ganun siguro talaga kapag tanggap na ang pagkamatay ng isang kapamilya. Nahirapan kami nung una dahil syempre, ang mommy ang gumagawa sa bahay... tagaluto, tagakulit sa amin kung may naiwang gamit bago lumabas ng bahay, tagapaalala na magdala ng payong, sumbungan ko sa gabi kapag naiinis sa office, kakulitan sa mga teleserye, at marami pang iba! I'm sure nakaka-relate ang mga mommies dyan. Hehehe...

Sa totoo, siya ang baby ng bahay namin. Malambing siya sobra at laging sinasabi sa lahat na masuwerte siya at mahal na mahal siya ng mga anak niya! Na totoo naman talaga :) My mom's sickness made us even closer to each other. At tinuruan akong maging expressive sa feelings ko. Niyakap ko siya talaga every chance I got. Kuwento ng lahat ng nangyari sa akin the whole day while massaging her legs para mabawasan ang manas... I'm proud to say na naibigay ko lahat ng gusto ni mommy nung nabubuhay pa siya. Lahat ng hirap ko sa trabaho, inuuwi ko talaga para sa aking inay. May isa palang hindi... ang maging close sa tatay niya sa Batangas. Pero, naiintindihan niya kung bakit. Di ba mommy?!

Nakaka-miss lang na wala na ang kakampi ko sa lahat...

Kahapon uli, habang nagkukulitan ang mga kapatid ko't mga pinsan, inatake ako ng lungkot for my brother. 14 years old siya nung dapuan ng leukemia. Ang sabi ng mga doktor, inborn daw ang sakit, dormant lang for a long time. Lumabas nung 14 na si Willyboy, pang-apat sa aming magkakapatid. Surreal when my mom told us about it. 3rd year college ako nun. First time naming nag-iyakang pamilya nang magkakaharap. 6 months lang tinagal niya, tulad ng taning ng doktor. Pinalagpas lang ang birthday niya. Sobrang sakit when he died kasi sobrang close kami. Ako ang bantay nya after school, 7AM to 11AM lang kasi pasok ko. Pag-uwi, dala ang lunch namin, diretso na sa hospital dahil hindi siya kakain kung di ko subuan. Mahina na kasi siya that time. Naging mahihiluhin at nanlalambot lagi dahil sa chemo. Uuwi lang ako after dinner na at sina mommy't daddy na ang bantay niya. Nung mga last 3 months niya, dun na rin ako natutulog dahil ayaw na niya akong pauwiin. Buddies kami sobra ng brother ko! Lahat ng kulitan ginawa namin sa hospital. Nandung ipasyal ko sya sakay ng wheelchair, kuwentuhan about NBA, kantahan ng mga fave songs niya...

I didn't cry when he died. Hindi pwede. My mom was sobbing the whole time. Ang mga kapatid ko, even si James na wala pang muwang noon, was crying. Si daddy was outside, silently crying as well... Junior niya yung namatay e. Tapos ako nakabantay sa paglagay ng bulak at pagbalot sa katawan ng kapatid ko. Nung nailibing na siya saka ako umiyak. They all needed my strength that time. Kaya siguro sobrang mature ko for my age. Sinuko na kasi namin siya dahil comatose na. Sabi ng mga doktor, raptured na yung ilang body organs nya. Pero he can hear us and tumutulo ang luha niya lagi. Lalo na nung marinig niya yung bestfriend niya.. My parents asked me kung ipapa-revive pa namin siya kung sakali atakihin na. I said no.

Uminom pa kami ng Sprite bago siya ma-coma. Nakahiga pa siya sa lap ko nung huling dilat niya ng mata. Ang huling sinabi niya bago siya ma-coma...

"Ate, inaantok na ko."

Tapos, he died three days after.

I don't know kung ano ang effect sa akin that I saw both of them draw their last breath. Ang mommy ko nung naghihingalo na was calling my name. Nahihirapan na raw siya at hawak ang kamay ko. There are days na naririnig ko pa rin yun. Nakita ko when my mom died. Nakita ko rin brother ko when his breathing stopped.

I love both of them so much! Nakaka-miss sobra dahil yung bibilhin kong bahay, hindi na makikita ni mommy. At yung dream namin ni Willyboy to watch an NBA game live, ako na lang ang makakagawa.